1ce n 4 all... i just wanna say all those unhappy stuff. unhappy things tt have been happening 2 me. but i duno who i can turn 2... so i tot i'll turn 2 my blog...
2 things... duno whether it is right 2 say it... but i'll say it anyway...
1stly... my mummy has lost her job... so now she's jobless... n i... being de gd daughter... has given her every single cent i've earned... n i tink i'll have 2 do tt until she gets a stable job... not tt i have 2... n i'm not complaining... just feel it's not fair... of cus she has de many relatives 2 support her... but how long can she go on like tt? now my money is not impt 2 me... but yeah... i hate de fact tt i have 2 b de 1 giving up all my hard earned money... i hate de fact tt 4 these 2 yrs i've been in poly... i have 2 study n work cus i din wanna make my mother work harder den she is... i just dun wan 2 see her suffer... tt's y i dun mind all those silly D grades tt i've been getting... i just dun wan 2 see her suffer more den she alr is suffering...
2 those who duno... well... yeah... i lost my dad b4 i turned 15... so 4 5 yrs, my mum has been supportin 3 children all by herself... do u tink it's easy? all de tym in sec sch i din do well, i screwed up my work... i felt damn bad abt it. i always wanna tell my mummy i'm so sorrie 4 all those things i said 2 hurt her... n make her feel worst den she is. last yr june, she owed money... den those ppl came n wanted 2 take our stuff away... including my beloved computer. my computer is given by my relatives who got a share when they sold de family hse... which has another long story... my dad has part of de share but it's wif my mother now... so yeah... they din take it away in de end... but i was so angry... i tot i was gonna lose sum thing tt was not paid by my mother. i just selfishly tot abt myself @ tt moment... now as i tink back, i feel like i've done my mother so much wrong... really wonder how can i make it up 2 her...
as so 2dae being mother's day... i cld not even do sum thing nice 4 her... i decided 2 cook 4 her... but she did de shopping... n cutting... i fried de stuff n steamed 2... but she did sum dishes all by herself... i felt really horrible n mean... n cant even do a simple stuff of making her happy... relaxed... all i did was just bring her worries... she even told me it's ok if i take supp paper... or rpt... just do well... n like so many things... i work so much... dun even take tym 2 go 4 church events which r impt... all i care abt is work work work... she hurts when i dun do wad she 1s... n i see her hurt i'm oso heart pain... esp when i dun go 2 church... 4rm young... i've always followed her... nv skipping n lookin 4ward 2 it... sum tyms loving it so much 2 de extend of goin every day... but now i just blew it... dun go... dun care... n my best fwen being a priest... how upset can my mummy b? all those sacrifices she made 4 me 4 20 yrs n yet i'm really being a bitch...
i just wanna say wad i wanna say... i knoe it's not right n i dun wan any sympathy... but it's so horrible... n worth crying... i just cant help but say it... my mummy's been so depressed but i have 2 work... cant even spend tym wif her... 4 those who dun work... u tink it's v easy 2 work n study? sorrie 4 sounding so blunt... but i dun wanna brk my mother's heart any more... i even accuse her of favourtism... which is so not her... i just feel so guilty...
2ndly... it's concerning my brother... i dun talk 2 him any more... n i dun care... i wanna write tis... even if he reads it... but i dun treat it like i have a brother any more... i dun like de way he has treated me when he is angry... n yes he has been gd... but i dun wanna b hurt any more... i just wanna continue lyf wif de way it is now... i'm happy suffering being away 4rm u... physcially u r my mother's son... so i dun deny tt... but dun go round telling every 1 i'm ur sis... cus in my heart u dun exsist... so wad ever we do... it's just separate... yes u can kill me now... i dun mind dying... just dun accuse mummy of being bad n all... cus she has done so much 4 u!!!
i wanted 2 write abt de day cus it was ok... but 2 much saddness. tis is my most heart felt n honest review abt anything... i'm sorrie if it hurts 2 any 1... but i just wanna say wad i really feel... i wld appreciate bad comments 2 b kept 2 oneself... cus tis is my blog... n i just wanna get it off... i dun wan any 1 saying they tink i sux or wad... cus tis is true... n just let me b myself now ok?
mummy... happy mother's day... sorrie tis is so plain... n revealing... i guess i'm de only 1 wif a sad story on mother's day...
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