i wanna get tis off... i really do...

1ce n 4 all... i just wanna say all those unhappy stuff. unhappy things tt have been happening 2 me. but i duno who i can turn 2... so i tot i'll turn 2 my blog...

2 things... duno whether it is right 2 say it... but i'll say it anyway...

1stly... my mummy has lost her job... so now she's jobless... n i... being de gd daughter... has given her every single cent i've earned... n i tink i'll have 2 do tt until she gets a stable job... not tt i have 2... n i'm not complaining... just feel it's not fair... of cus she has de many relatives 2 support her... but how long can she go on like tt? now my money is not impt 2 me... but yeah... i hate de fact tt i have 2 b de 1 giving up all my hard earned money... i hate de fact tt 4 these 2 yrs i've been in poly... i have 2 study n work cus i din wanna make my mother work harder den she is... i just dun wan 2 see her suffer... tt's y i dun mind all those silly D grades tt i've been getting... i just dun wan 2 see her suffer more den she alr is suffering...

2 those who duno... well... yeah... i lost my dad b4 i turned 15... so 4 5 yrs, my mum has been supportin 3 children all by herself... do u tink it's easy? all de tym in sec sch i din do well, i screwed up my work... i felt damn bad abt it. i always wanna tell my mummy i'm so sorrie 4 all those things i said 2 hurt her... n make her feel worst den she is. last yr june, she owed money... den those ppl came n wanted 2 take our stuff away... including my beloved computer. my computer is given by my relatives who got a share when they sold de family hse... which has another long story... my dad has part of de share but it's wif my mother now... so yeah... they din take it away in de end... but i was so angry... i tot i was gonna lose sum thing tt was not paid by my mother. i just selfishly tot abt myself @ tt moment... now as i tink back, i feel like i've done my mother so much wrong... really wonder how can i make it up 2 her...

as so 2dae being mother's day... i cld not even do sum thing nice 4 her... i decided 2 cook 4 her... but she did de shopping... n cutting... i fried de stuff n steamed 2... but she did sum dishes all by herself... i felt really horrible n mean... n cant even do a simple stuff of making her happy... relaxed... all i did was just bring her worries... she even told me it's ok if i take supp paper... or rpt... just do well... n like so many things... i work so much... dun even take tym 2 go 4 church events which r impt... all i care abt is work work work... she hurts when i dun do wad she 1s... n i see her hurt i'm oso heart pain... esp when i dun go 2 church... 4rm young... i've always followed her... nv skipping n lookin 4ward 2 it... sum tyms loving it so much 2 de extend of goin every day... but now i just blew it... dun go... dun care... n my best fwen being a priest... how upset can my mummy b? all those sacrifices she made 4 me 4 20 yrs n yet i'm really being a bitch...

i just wanna say wad i wanna say... i knoe it's not right n i dun wan any sympathy... but it's so horrible... n worth crying... i just cant help but say it... my mummy's been so depressed but i have 2 work... cant even spend tym wif her... 4 those who dun work... u tink it's v easy 2 work n study? sorrie 4 sounding so blunt... but i dun wanna brk my mother's heart any more... i even accuse her of favourtism... which is so not her... i just feel so guilty...

2ndly... it's concerning my brother... i dun talk 2 him any more... n i dun care... i wanna write tis... even if he reads it... but i dun treat it like i have a brother any more... i dun like de way he has treated me when he is angry... n yes he has been gd... but i dun wanna b hurt any more... i just wanna continue lyf wif de way it is now... i'm happy suffering being away 4rm u... physcially u r my mother's son... so i dun deny tt... but dun go round telling every 1 i'm ur sis... cus in my heart u dun exsist... so wad ever we do... it's just separate... yes u can kill me now... i dun mind dying... just dun accuse mummy of being bad n all... cus she has done so much 4 u!!!

i wanted 2 write abt de day cus it was ok... but 2 much saddness. tis is my most heart felt n honest review abt anything... i'm sorrie if it hurts 2 any 1... but i just wanna say wad i really feel... i wld appreciate bad comments 2 b kept 2 oneself... cus tis is my blog... n i just wanna get it off... i dun wan any 1 saying they tink i sux or wad... cus tis is true... n just let me b myself now ok?

mummy... happy mother's day... sorrie tis is so plain... n revealing... i guess i'm de only 1 wif a sad story on mother's day...

havent gone 2 slp yet...

lucky sia! cus vanan just called... n gave me super lots of shifts next wk... cus sutha's injured! poor girl sia... she got injured while dancin! hahaha... really ironic cus thurs when we were goin off... she was like saying she dun mind me working more so tt she can have an off... now she has an off man! 1 whole wk!

so in future really have 2 b careful wif wad u say... we were talkin abt humayun 2ce n he appeared! whahaha... so scary hor? but he got long lyf... lolx... =) feeling really tired since i have been up since 5am! yes... dun call me crazy... i needed 2 pray!

my best fwen was sayin mornin mass... so we went brkfast aftr tt. he felt sorrie he din pray 4 me... like super worried whether i can do it. den he ate so much 4 brkfast. felt bad cus i any how order. n he's so fussy! tsk... he's lookin 4ward 2 dinner wif us... den oso we goin movie n LOTR... wow... so much things lined up...

so went 4 meeting aftr comin hm... really mugged like mad... cus i only studied 4 1 day... super big regret! de paper is easy, as i found out while studyin... de module is easy! but i pia my java 2 much... n 2 useless... feel so bad towards ah kwan now! arugh...

anyway 2 all those who wish me gd luck n asked me abt my ip... i'm fine! dun worry. u guys knoe who u r... joanne, vik, humayun... 1st tym i had so much concern n gd lucks. every 1 saw how stress i was during meeting. i cldnt even tink n concentrate on it. my mind only got < % response.write % >! whahaha...

den went 4 exam... i tot i cld avoid de person in sch styl had 2 see! lucky din come in2 contact... aftr all i knoe how 2 avoid. lucky de person goin attachment liao! yeah... dun need 2 see... dun need 2 tink...

so den aftr paper came hm... almost left my hp @ de exam hall! jia lat sia! lucky i din... not so goon do! hahahaha... den went 2 work early... so really like no tym 2 rest... n tml must styl go mass... early early... *yawns*... need 2 turn in sia!

updated all my stuff. only things need 2 add r sum foto links up. yuppies! complete my boring collection! hahahaha...

ok... now abt work. jay! yeah... had fun wif him... but under pressure 2 work now. arugh! work makin me so stress... but @ de same tym can see him... so shldnt b stress. but duno oso. which direction we wanna head... i cant make it out. but isnt it bettter? i m single loh... styl... if he decides on 1 decision... i might b wif him... duno... dun 1 oso lah... i wanna stay tis way i m... dun need 2 worry abt love... can care 4 my fwens...

sum funnie things happen. like narayan! he was damn pathetic... he had 2 wear de pink crew shirt! hahaha... n he looked so funnie... cus of de catering loh! hahahaha... n when he was making naan, i tot it was vik... lolx! so cannot differentiate loh! hahahaha...

n golam, he like 2 use 2 words... "toothpick" n "rolling pin"! lolx... he n i got priavte joke. hahaha. so fun my da da. lolx.

need 2 turn in. nth 2 blog liao. my unhappy stuff can wait. nites!

whahahaha... i'm currently tryin 2 blog... n oso change my song...

n talk 2 my lovely sis... i miss u girl! 2dae was a longgg day... cus i din go hm aftr sch. i wore my fav blouse! it's de oriental princess blouse sis bought 4rm australia... n she even have 1 4 herself... hehehe...

n george huff is out! kinda expected it wld b a girl idol... i'm rooting 4 fantasia n xue ren 1s latoya! so may de best woman win... now it's kinda predictable... but styl hard... aftr all... america votes not on singing loh... arugh! dun wanna say abt it! i guess i'm rather sad amy adams can b out cus she looked like jay leno's sis! bias!

arugh! ree got me thinkin so much... hard hard... things tt happened b4... i just poured out... makes me feel better... but like sum thing i regret... i regret many things tt has happened since de start of tis yr... nv tried 2 make things better... nv tried 2 understand... n say things i shldnt... i duno wad 2 say! mayb shld just shut up... really like black eyed peas said...

well... anyway... i'm condemmed... n it's only 1 more day... so i'm not worried... i have 2 learn 2 smile! recently vik found out my funnie secret cus i said it 2 him... now every 1 was discussing it... so embarassing! so i wont blog it... so anyway when vanan mentioned it... i was like... shit... die... vik got big mouth! but they told me sum nice sides 2 it... which i cant rem... all i knoe was they were making fun! alamak!

2dae aftr i left sch... i took bus 162... just 2 see de route... ended up @ hmv 4 a while... i saw de cd tt i 1! arugh... so nice... n oso i saw de stupid william hung cd... damn pathetic... sum ppl were playing it loudly n making fun... hahaha... can u believe he spoilt de song "i believe i can fly"? makes me feel de competition is more of popularity den singing loh... or else y jen hudson out? okok... just my opinion...

so den i stupidly took back 162 2 suntec... cus i din knoe de bus dun loop hahaha... den landed @ raffles there... de 1 fulleton... pai sey! n i walked back... 4rm there 2 suntec... quite shrt... so now thinner loh... aftr all i havent been eating well... so thin loh... n slping well... so thin lah! but nice walk... brought back many memories when i was workin aftr o's... n den met tim, sam, kavi, ballie n david... orh... 2dae's sam's bday! whahaha... i styl rem...

so anyway... heck care sam 4 a while... i have super nice memories of tt place... when we used 2 hang out aftr work... n sit n eat prata... n den we used 2 talk cock... sayin tim was a professional soccer player... hahaha... n all those silly fotos we took... which i styl have... n den when sam met rae... he was so crazy... over her... n den he kinda expected rae 2 b... eh nvm...

so yeah... those were de days... as i walked dwn memory lane... i saw lots of japanese oso... n oso walkin passed esplande reminded me of last sun... so nice... if i cld relive it... i wldnt... cus... i believe even if tt nite i din make up wif jay... we wld styl have had a happy fwenship... sutha believed in us... 10s sutha... =)

so yeah... back 2 2dae... i went dwn... kena suan... den the ppl there cheered me up... made me 4get all abt exams n tt i had 1... n den they were all laughin n joking like nobody's business... n vik suggested an outing... he was even funnier... cus rach said if we all go... who wld wrk? den he was like "we shall leave humayun... n kirit bi!" den he laughed so goon-do ish... hopefully ashok doesnt tell on us... cus he was kinda listening... but any way who cares?

so all in all it was a gd day. sutha made it possible. she's a bit upset if i ever come 2 a decision concerning my future... but it was grt hangin out wif her...

hehehe... off 2 study. i need 2 start now! lolx...

10s reena 4 ur listening ears. really appreciated it. a lot.

hamster excited

Once went to "summer camp"...

Except it was during the fall, and it was a mandatory 3 days at a crap establishment for everyone in my grade. they had the most awful food, some of which i ate, and then i also ate lots of jell-o. i didn't want to crap there because the toilets were absolutely crawling with filth and a few insects here and there. when i got back at school, i took a dump in the school toilets; the poo was mostly brown with a few green spots, about an inch an a half in diameter, and the green spots were webby, like those pictures of brain cells or nerves (like this).
i'm not sure if the greenness was due to holding in the poo for so long, or due to the crap food they served. either way, it was an awful three days.

rest